Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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