So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
either way he was missing a nipple.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
