How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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