This girl is more easily done than said...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
