Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
