quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
