you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we have pet lesbian snakes
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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