Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
