Sacagawea was the original milf.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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