Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
