His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
