I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
