JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize