good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
