Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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