I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
