i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
