Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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