Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
