Your mouth is God's brothel.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
