i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
