I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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