I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
