Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize