so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
