i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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