Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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