if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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