Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
