you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
