Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
