im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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