so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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