You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
