Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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