Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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