So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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