I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
