your room smells of hookers.
And success
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize