Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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