know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
