There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize