Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
