Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
