This is not my ceiling
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
