I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
