fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize