chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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