dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
