I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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