I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
