is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
