Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
