He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
