my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
