We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
