You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
