At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who died my cat blue again?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
