I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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