I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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