that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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