i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize