Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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