My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
