the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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