god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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