Hey man sorry I got all grabby
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
