just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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